This morning we sat and deliciously cuddled and watched Shrek, Deck the Halls for the enth time and out of nowhere he dug his short nails in and ripped the skin on my neck. The pain and event is shocking. And breathe.
After a day of relentless madness, the carer was willing to take him out for a usual jaunt. Out of nowhere he bit into her arm and whilst she was dealing with that he bit into her breast marking her with a ring of blood around her nipple. Thank goodness for her thick clothing. We have completed our ABC charts to no avail.
My carers have agreed to stay with me til he goes. She said, 'I don't want Axel's death on my hands'. The relentless acts of violence along with the increasing impossibility of keeping him safe ease my irritating guilt at sending him to residential school. I can cope with the violence, I sit now with a ring of teeth in my shoulder but the running into roads is a loser. His inability to comply has to be addressed and I can not do it alone and with the ridiculous scenario we currently have. Axel's behaviour helps me to keep writing my letter. He needs them... as do I. Damn.
I hereby wish to advocate parent/carers handing their children over into care. My understanding is that not many years ago these children were automatically taken in because the parents couldn't possibly cope. In recent years parents are encouraged to cope... on the grounds it is best for the child but I suspect greatly for the costs. Carers have saved the country billions. I believe some kids are best at home and some best in care. There is a saying.... it takes a village to bring up a child...with kids like Axel the village disappears... kids like Axel need a dedicated squad! My choice is made easier because Axel's safety is at great risk. I also want to advocate a parent/carers right to say 'no' because they can't. I wanted to be a prima ballerina but my hips are the wrong angle. I may want to meet the needs of my severely disabled child I can't because I can't. Infact in terms of disability I believe I have mastered a pirouette, adages, allegros, jetes and pointe work and it is not enough for this dancer. My pas de deux is clearly wanting. Please support me. Not for all is Autism a gift.
Nicky Clark, who runs an interesting blog, has just painfully and lovingly handed her 18 year old daughter over into care and was written to by a woman saying, 'good luck with abandoning your child', to that woman I say, 'thank you'.
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Some things make no sense.
Are just painful.
And the needs of all must be met.
That is kindness.
It is testing trying to write this with the lunacy around me. Axel is shouting and running back and forth. It is hard wanting to approach him knowing i may be bitten again. I do not know what to do. Imagine. I love him.
Thank God for Tommy Cooper.... Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
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