A privilege of loving Axel is that I get to experience the extraordinary in the ordinary.
Eye contact. Lack of eye-contact is a feature of Autism. I did not see into Axel's eyes for five years apart from the occasional accidental graze. I only ever saw them through the camera lens… he watched the shutter with interest. Imagine the intensity when he finally stopped and looked at me for the first time… it’s such a precious thing…I am seen, I can see. I’ll never take eye-contact for granted again.
Touch. Once Axel was mobile he did not want touch. If I tried to cuddle him he would wrestle free or worse, smash his head on the floor or wall. Even when he'd hurt himself, if I tried to comfort or help, he'd hurt himself more. If I tried to play with him, smash. Watching TV I was like a ridiculous date trying to slowly sneak my arm round him. As soon as my fingers neared his shoulder he would slap my arm back to my lap. One day when he was around three, I was folding the laundry in the middle of the lounge floor with Axel running around and around me when suddenly he sat on my lap. I tried to stay calm and not touch him more. My heart was pounding with delight. And he was off again. Big smile. If I can so much as feel the warmth of his knee against mine, I quietly smile, my heart blooming.
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