Axel largely moved out to stay at a care home two months ago, at 10 years of age. He stays here, home, two days a week.
This is my first holiday with him away so much. Despite the fact that our two days were beautiful they were unsustainable. By the time I dropped him back I was physically aching and had had four hours sleep. (Partly my fault for trying to get him to sleep in a bed not the lounge. What was I thinking? I'd bought him a new bed, thought just may be).
With his sister home and not him, I feel his absence sharply. Axel not being here is not like a boy missing it is like an entire football club has left the building. His volume of noise and energy are incredible and my state of alert constantly high. Apparently the levels of hormones relating to stress are the same for parents like me and combat soldiers.
I know I can not have him home more at this time.
It doesn't hurt any less.
He's coming home later and my heart is happy about that.
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